Feeling Like the WORST Mother in the World

Today was not a good day.

Not even a little bit.

It started out as normal as any other day. The kids got up, I got them dressed, took them downstairs, gave them breakfast and then they played.

I decided that I would take them shopping since our only "upscale market" in the area is closing and everything was going to be 30% off. I had bought some amazing chorizo sausage there a few weeks back and figured that if they had any left, I would buy it. I also figured that 30% baby food is a pretty good deal.

So, we got to the store, did our shopping and headed to see Daddy at work.

So far, so good.....

My parents have a trailer (camping) and I had been doing some investigating for them to find a place to store the trailer. I had called around and found a place and it was just up the road from where the hubby works. So we went.

There were two men working the counter at the camping store. Daniel was being fussy and he was wet, I knew he was wet, but there were not a whole lot of places to change him. I had him in the front seat of the stroller. Melissa had been asleep when I put her in the fully reclined rear seat. (please note...this is where I made my BONEHEAD mistake). I didn't strap her in. It was not a conscious thing...I just didn't do it. She was asleep.

While filling out the rental agreement, Daniel was fussing. So I am trying to keep him entertained, talk to my parents on my cell phone, getting the information about the trailer that I needed for the paperwork. Then I see Melissa rolling over. No big deal.

The very next instant, I see Melissa in the basket UNDER HER SEAT.

Yes!

You read that correctly.

SHE WAS IN THE BASKET UNDER HER SEAT!!!!

And she was screaming.

Somehow, the child slid down at the footrest into the basket.

So now I am FREAKING OUT!!!

I am trying to get her out and her little foot is caught. I tried to lower the basket but her foot wouldn't budge. And she is screaming, and I am FREAKING.

I finally told the one man at the counter to call 911 becuase I couldn't figure out how I was going to free her foot without breaking her leg.

Finally, the older of the two men cam e over to help. He managed to wriggle her foot free.

I grabbed her and pulled her out. She immediately stopped crying. I was shaking so bad.

I was mortified. Actually, I still am.

I am so STUPID.

It all happened so fast.

I vowed that I was getting a side by side stroller because there is no basket to wriggle into.

I feel like the worst mother in the world.

I finally calm down. I am driving home. I realize that it is 12:30 and I haven't had breakfast yet.
So I run through the drive through at Mickey D's. Yeah, not the healthiest choice for lunch but that is another subject for another day. I go around the corner from the ordering board and to the window where you pay. I check the rear view mirror and Daniel's car seat has tipped.

Yeah...when it rains it pours. Seriously, I am not trying to "off" my kids.

So, I reach around and push it back upright, get my food and pull ahead to fix Daniel.

I then remembered that it was my dad who put the car seats back in the car after they kids stayed with them. So, just this once, I am not going to blame myself for improperly installing the car seat. I am going to only blame myself a little bit for not double checking my dad's installation.

What a friggin day!

But it is not the stroller's fault. It is mine. All mine.

Embryo Donation

After much discussion and thought, we have decided to donate our remaining frozen embryos to another couple. We are in the starting process of working with a group that specializes in embryo donation. As much as I loved being pregnant...no really..for all of my complaining about being sore and tired, it really was a great 7 months. I glowed!!! I was nice to people (which I am not all the time....kinda bit*hy at times). I nested. And I would do it all over again....

But...
~Hubby is getting older. ( 16 years older than I am)
~Our house is not terribly large. It is a 3 bedroom and we have no plans to move in the foreseeable future.
~I wasn't able to keep the pregnancy to term and probably should not risk trying it again.
~God blessed us with a son and a daughter. We're not greedy.
~There is another couple who are where we were and are ready to give up.

So, now the decision making process starts. How do you choose? How do you know that you have made the right choice?

This is the information we decided to include on our profile:

We are infertility survivors. We know, all too well, the anguish and heart ached of not being able to conceive naturally. We trusted God and were richly rewarded and blessed with our son Daniel and daughter, Melissa.

My husband comes from the upper midwest and is the oldest of 6 children. He is very conservative and is a US Army veteran. Family and faith are paramount in his life. He is a strong and active man with an incredible work ethic.

I am from the Great Lakes area and the younger of two daughters. My parents are both ordained ministers. Although I had many career opportunities (medical school), I followed my heart and driving desire to be a wife and mother and put all my efforts into a marriage and family. Little did I know the uphill battles I would face with our fertility.

Our babies were born 10 weeks early and spent their first few weeks of life in the NICU. They came home and have been growing, thriving and developing everyday. They are truly miracles. When they were born, they each weighed less than 4 lbs. They were so tiny and yet so perfect. When we look at them now, it is hard to believe that these are the same babies. They are now so big and strong. We are so blessed.

We hope that these little lives, which are already miracles, are born into and raised in love and great faith and that they become the great joy in a loving family's life.

We are trusting God to direct our decision in entrusting these gifts that were given to us. We hope that God grants all of the families waiting for their miracle peace and understanding.

K and D

Anyone have any thoughts???

My To Me From Me Birthday Present

Ok, so my birthday is not until Aug 1.

But...

I found this on etsy...

and just couldn't resist...

My Challenge for Wednesday

I figured I would give it a try...it can't hurt, right?


Teething Biscuit Recipes - Eggless Baby Cereal Cookies
from http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/teethingbiscuits.htm

**Ingredients**
1 cup flour
1 cup dry infant rice cereal with bananas (or other flavored or unflavored infant cereal)
3 tablespoons cooking oil
ice water
**Directions**
Preheat oven 425F Mix flour and cereal. Gradually stir in oil. Mix a little ice water at a time (start with 1/4 cup) until dough begins to form a ball and pull away from the bowl. Roll out to the thickness of a cracker on a floured surface and cut into desired shapes. Bake on an ungreased cookie sheet 10-12 min. or until lightly brown. Cool completely. Store in an airtight container. (you may want to try 1/2 plain and 1/2 flavoured baby cereal as the taste when using full flavoured baby cereal is very strong!)

Atypical Tuesdays With The Teething Twosome

So the hubby took today off. The original plan was to finish painting our bedroom (from horrible pepto bismol pink to a nice taupe), but since it is really nice out, hubby is outside filling cracks in the sidewalk. He just left on his second trip to the Home Depot. This time, he took Melissa. She should get used to that store, since her Daddy goes there every week. I have this sneaky feeling that the bedroom is not going to be finished this week, and honestly, I am fine with that.

Daniel is being a little extra fussy today. His second tooth is about the break through and I really feel bad for him. I am giving him ibuprofen and using the baby oragel but nothing really seems to work.

I seem to be falling apart as well. Over the past month or so, I have had increasing pain in my wrist. I am sure that it is just tendonitis. But, the recommended treatment is Rest, Ice and Compression. I can manage the Ice and the Compression, but it is not like I can just stop picking up the kids (who are HUGE, by the way). So, I have to suck it up.

I also "escaped" this morning to run over and get my hair trimmed. It is getting longer and the ends were really bad and starting to break. So, I had the girl cut a whole inch off. It is hard for me to cut my hair. I still have issues with my hair. I had REALLY bad hair growing up. No, I mean REALLY bad. Kind of a mousy brown shrub on my head. It was like a "white girl fro". And when I was even younger, my mother always kept it short so everyone thought I was a little boy. My hair was wavy but when puberty hit...it got kinky curly...thus the "WGF". I started to let it grow out in 9th grade and have never had it short since then. It has always been at least a "bob". At one point, when Hubby and I got together, it was at the middle of my back but that is about as long as I have ever had it. Hubby loves it when my hair is long but with two grabby, sticky handed babies, it is not practical. So it is a little shorter, but long enough that I can put it up. Now, I just need to figure out what to do with the color (have to cover the greys).

So, the only sound in my house is the boy child chewing on his hand and the TV. It feels weird. Even the dogs are being quiet...

Perhaps I will even get to take a nap......

ANAL RETENTIVE PAIN IN THE A**

So, the babies will be 9 months old on Wednesday. I am so proud of my babies- how they have grown and developed, despite their prematurity- and I would do anything for them.

And this probably shouldn't bother me as much as it does-

But, this weekend, I was told by a friend, whom I will refer to as "M" that when the kids were in the NICU and I am guessing the Step Down Nursery, I was an "anal retentive pain in the a**". This came from a NICU nurse, whom I will call "A" who did not directly care for the kids, but who I knew prior to even getting pregnant. I only saw "A" once then entire time the kids were hospitalized. "A" was so nice to my face and had always been that way. Maybe that is why I was truly shocked when I heard "A's" comment. It takes quite a bit to shock me, but this comment did.

Maybe it is because I heard it from "M" who mentioned it as kind of an off the cuff comment. It really got to me and "M" knows how to get under my skin and push my buttons.

Yes, it is true that I have certain expectations for care for my children. It is also true that I have a medical background and may have a greater understanding of what the real situations are from a medical standpoint. Yes, I can be a pain in the a**. Hubby knows this first hand from dining out with me. I can be a manager's worst nightmare. Perhaps that is why I have always had great success in working in the Customer Service industry. But when it comes the kids...that is not being a pain in the a**...that is being a MOTHER.

Yes, I did speak with the Clinical Coordinator regarding the unannounced changes in feeding times (we had a solid hour commute to get to the hospital and arrived to find the kids had been fed and diapered and we couldn't hold them). I asked that I be notified of any change in their schedule, so that I could adjust my schedule accordingly. This was IGNORED...

I also spoke to her regarding the Breastfeeding Nazi, who made it very clear that if you fed your children anything other than breastmilk, you were poisoning them. She was older and very set in her ways and really was very condescending. Hubby couldn't stand her. I mean, he has 3 daughters from his first marriage. He has done this before. WE are not 16 year old kids with zero experience.

I also requested that no "student" nurses be involved in the care of the babies. I arrived one day to find a student nurse trying to figure out how to put a diaper on for 20 minutes. Practice on a doll, kiddo....not my babies.

The Clinical Coordinator was very understanding and our experience improved greatly. Well, I guess the nurses, being catty bit*hes that they are, were just placating us. So be it.

If the worst thing that anyone can say about me is that I am anal retentive when it comes to the quality of medical care that my children receive, oh friggin' well.

Am I a bit*h? Yeah, probably. Is "A" out of line for even telling "M" anything about our NICU stay? Yeah, I think so. Should "M" keep quiet next time? I hope so.

This has been rattling around my head for 2 days now and frankly, I want to put it to bed, so I had to get it out there.

Patriotic Daniel

Patriotic Melissa

Vacation

Yes, 11 people and a toddler in the woods......
and one toilet....
It was a BLAST!!!

We survived a heavy soaking rainstorm and an encounter with a 400+ lb bear, saw 4 turkeys, several deer, lived like paupers but ate like kings (yes, it is possible for 11 people to eat 30 lbs of ribs and the very next night, eat a full prime rib). We also must have been drinking like kings (since the keg was kicked after a day and a half). It really was a much needed change of scenery.

On Friday, 7/4, Dean and I got up and drove to Camp Ladore (the camp I went to and worked at). It looked a heck of a lot different since the last time I visited a few years ago. Somethings never change, but others change to the point that one can hardly recognize where they are anymore.

Yesterday, I drove to pick up the kids from "Grandma and Grandpa" camp. They (mom and dad) had a blast. We got the kids home and played for a while and then it was off the the bath. They were in bed by 8:30 and slept until 12:30 am. Then after a quick bottle, they were out again. Melissa got up at 5:45 and Daniel an hour later. I am not complaining about only having to get up once in the night. It is a huge improvement....

oh....

and the boy child cut his first tooth....

They are over the river and through the woods tomorrow morning.

Mommy and Daddy may even regain their sanity this weekend.

Thanks to everyone who commented on our little legal issues. The insight is much appreciated.

(Yeah, and just to explain the whole Canada Day thing....my dad is Canadian....and very proud of it. We always celebrated it growing up. The last time Mom was up in the great white north, she bought the cute little outfits that the kids are wearing. REST ASSURED...these kids WILL be in stars and stripes on the 4th... MOMMY AND DADDY WERE BOTH IN THE ARMY, dang it!)

Happy Canada Day!!!