So Much Going On

This just seems like a crazy time in our little corner of the world.

We had a bunch of friends over this past weekend and somehow, my most prized material possession got dropped. Yes, my new Canon G9 digital camera that I LOVE is in the repair shop to the tune of $200 to hopefully repair. Luckily, my next door neighbor had a spare digital camera so at least I can still take pictures of the kids. My camera may take 4-6 weeks to finally be repaired. I am very upset as the camera was more than $500 and it is only a few months old. I think I need to get a more careful bunch of friends.

All systems are go for my endometrial cryoablation. Dean is taking a half day and will stay with kids while I am having the "procedure" done in the office. Luckily, my OB/GYN's office is literally around the corner from our house, so hopefully getting home will not be a challenge. I am just hoping that it won't be too terribly painful. If it is, I do still have some left over pain meds from the c-section and I am not afraid to take them.... No pain, No pain is what I always say.

On a very personal note, I am kind of sad. The "procedure" means that there will not be any more kids. I know that I should be satisfied with my beautiful babies, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I am terrified that something will happen to them and I will be all alone. We fought so hard to get them here and now, here I am, voluntarily having a surgery that will all but make it impossible to ever have any more children, ever. But then I think that as long as these beautiful babies have been here, I have been miserable with the bleeding. I haven't been able to be a good wife (if you catch my drift...wink wink) and I know that I have been a total b*tch to just about everyone, let alone being exhausted and anemic ALL THE TIME. I know that ultimately, I am making the right decision.

Dean and I are continuing our search for the adoptive parents for the embryos. I really feel for all of the families. They all seem wonderful and I know they would love any children that were to become from these embies. I just feel that it would only be fair to select the couple with no children. There are several that already have children, one family with 6 kids (all through adoption). I know what I felt when we were TTC and I would see a family with a gaggle of kids. "I just want one. I'm not being greedy. I just want one baby to love". And we were blessed. We were given two. I would like to make our final decision sometime in the next month. We shall see.

The kids are doing great. We are doing a lot more tummy time and trying to encourage them to crawl. Most of the time, Daniel decided to just roll around but we are being patient. They were spending a lot of time in the exersaucer and the jolly jumper and their legs are super strong. They will stand (with one of us holding them around the waist) and bounce around. And they are both babbling non stop. It is too cute.

They have a pediatrician appointment next week so I can finally get an accurate weight on the boy. He is huge! They are fed the same amount at the same time and he is just so much heavier than Melissa. He is a tank!!! (Just like his Mommy was when she was little).

I love the encouraging comments, please keep them coming.

Embryo Donation

After much discussion and thought, we have decided to donate our remaining frozen embryos to another couple. We are in the starting process of working with a group that specializes in embryo donation. As much as I loved being pregnant...no really..for all of my complaining about being sore and tired, it really was a great 7 months. I glowed!!! I was nice to people (which I am not all the time....kinda bit*hy at times). I nested. And I would do it all over again....

But...
~Hubby is getting older. ( 16 years older than I am)
~Our house is not terribly large. It is a 3 bedroom and we have no plans to move in the foreseeable future.
~I wasn't able to keep the pregnancy to term and probably should not risk trying it again.
~God blessed us with a son and a daughter. We're not greedy.
~There is another couple who are where we were and are ready to give up.

So, now the decision making process starts. How do you choose? How do you know that you have made the right choice?

This is the information we decided to include on our profile:

We are infertility survivors. We know, all too well, the anguish and heart ached of not being able to conceive naturally. We trusted God and were richly rewarded and blessed with our son Daniel and daughter, Melissa.

My husband comes from the upper midwest and is the oldest of 6 children. He is very conservative and is a US Army veteran. Family and faith are paramount in his life. He is a strong and active man with an incredible work ethic.

I am from the Great Lakes area and the younger of two daughters. My parents are both ordained ministers. Although I had many career opportunities (medical school), I followed my heart and driving desire to be a wife and mother and put all my efforts into a marriage and family. Little did I know the uphill battles I would face with our fertility.

Our babies were born 10 weeks early and spent their first few weeks of life in the NICU. They came home and have been growing, thriving and developing everyday. They are truly miracles. When they were born, they each weighed less than 4 lbs. They were so tiny and yet so perfect. When we look at them now, it is hard to believe that these are the same babies. They are now so big and strong. We are so blessed.

We hope that these little lives, which are already miracles, are born into and raised in love and great faith and that they become the great joy in a loving family's life.

We are trusting God to direct our decision in entrusting these gifts that were given to us. We hope that God grants all of the families waiting for their miracle peace and understanding.

K and D

Anyone have any thoughts???