Sleeplessness

I am not sure what was going on with the kids last night.
We were literally up with them every hour.
I am beyond exhausted and I know that today will be a challenge for hubby too.

Maybe it is the "4 month sleep regression" but even with their adjusted age, they should be passed that. Maybe it is because they are teething. Maybes it is because Grandma, Grandpa and Great-Grandma were here last night. I don't know. We even resorted to our old trick of adding rice cereal to their bottles in the hopes of having them sleep through the night. It seems like it has been more than a month, and it probably has, since I got 8 hours sleep. Even Mother's Day...Hubby got up with the kids in the night, but he doesn't have "Mommy Hearing". I can hear them from everywhere. And in the rare event that I am trying to catch a nap, I immediately wake up. So, when I heard the kids, I woke him up and he got up with them. But, I was still awake.

I think I may be losing it. I am snapping at things that would normally roll right off of my back. I am snapping at Hubby, ALOT! I am going to suffer through today and try to keep the kids up as long as possible so maybe tonight we can all get some sleep.

Mother's Day Present

My hubby has such good taste!!!

Our Little Family on Mother's Day

My First Mother's Day (officially)

Mommy and Melissa
Mommy and Daniel
Mommy and the Monsters
Daddy and the Monsters

Not so little babies anymore

The kids had their 6 month check up yesterday at the pediatrician. We did not see our usual doctor but saw the doctor who had just returned from maternity leave. She also has a daughter named Melissa, so I instantly bonded with her. Nothing against our doctor, but I think I really like this one better.

The latest measurements are:
Daniel
20 lbs, 10 oz (in the 90-95th percentile for full term babies)
27 1/2 inches tall (75th percentile)
17" head circumference (25th percentile)

Melissa
19 lbs, 13 oz (95th percentile)
28 1/4 inches tall (97th percentile)
17 1/2 " head circumference (95th percentile)

They are not even being measured on the preemie charts anymore. With their adjusted age, (-8 weeks) they are ahead of the curve developmentally and we are very happy about this.

They are tired and cranky today because of their 4 shots but I don't think that they are nearly as bad as last time.

So, tomorrow will be my first official Mother's Day. I was pregnant with the twins last year and nearly cried when my mother and my friend Kirstin both sent me Mother's Day cards. This year, mom sent a Mother's Day present but mislabeled the box and sent it to my sister's house. My sister was to forward it to me but I don't know if she ever got around to it.

I am sure that hubby will make me breakfast in bed or something like that. I told him that all I wanted was 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. It really is the simple things in life that make me happy.

I am trying to go through the closets and divest of some of the tons of clothing that I have somehow acquired. I literally have an entire wardrobe of maternity clothing that I will never ever use again. We talked about maybe doing an FET, but he thinks two is enough and that if we tried for just one more, we would end up like Jon and Kate plus Eight. We still have 8 frozen in the lab in NJ. We are paying for storage and really need to make a decision on what we are going to do with them.

My neighbor and I usually have a garage sale in the summer so maybe I will just hold on to the stuff and sell it for a buck a piece or something like that. Or I will end up baggin it and dropping it off at the thrift store....

 

 

 

Blessed?

It is an absolutely beautiful day here today.
I should be happy to be up and out and have the ability to take the twins on a walk.
But I am not.
I am not happy.
Well, not exactly.
I am not as happy as I think I should be.
Everyone, including strangers, tell me how blessed I am when I am out with the twins.
But, they don't know.
They don't have to get up three, four and sometimes five times a night.
They don't understand the frustration of two inconsolable cries.
They don't understand that I feel like I have lost my identity and that at times I feel more like an employee than a mother.
They don't know what it feels like to not have the energy to even feel human.
Sometimes, I just feel so trapped.

it is such a huge undertaking just to get the kids loaded up and into the car, and then fight with the 47 lb double stroller that barely fits in the trunk, try to accomplish the simplest task without being stopped by six or eight strangers who ask if they kids are twins.... um, yes folks, they are twins, no folks, they are not identical- one is in pink and the other is in blue.... do I need to remove their diapers to show you they are not identical...

I hate to admit is, but sometimes I miss my "old life" and wonder if I have what it takes to be a good stay at home mom. I don't even know if what I am feeling is normal. I don't really have anyone to ask. I feel completely isolated.

Even when hubby is home from work, he is preoccupied with one home improvement project or another. And perish the thought of going out and doing something as a family. He is always afraid the kids are going to fuss if we go out. They are 6 1/2 months old...if they fuss, they fuss. People do expect babies to cry from time to time.

I even feel guilty sitting here and blogging because there are literally a million other things that I should be doing.

I never once thought like this when we were still TTC. I just knew that I wanted a baby more than anything. Now, here I am. Twins. Exhausted. Isolated. Lonely. Frustrated.

I have nothing to complain about. There are millions of women out there who would love to have my problems and who can't. I should just count my blessings, right?

I couldn't help but to show them off

They are just getting too cute.......

We Did It!

Yesterday, despite it being very damp and vary cool, Dean and I did the March for Babies. We were able to raise $575 which isn't bad considering it is our first year. The kids seemed to enjoy the ride and there were lots of marchers. We did the entire 5.2 miles pushing the kids. We took turns, of course. I am so glad the practiced last week (5 miles Tuesday, 2.5 Wednesday, 4 Thursday and 3.5 Friday). We got really lucky with the weather, it is miserable out today.

Would write more but Miss Melissa is beckoning me.....

Random Pics of the kids

"I'm a little troublemaker"

"And Mommy thought that taking us for a 3 mile walk would tucker us out!!"

"Oh No You Didn't!"

In a desperate effort to not make a complete fool of myself on Sunday at the March for Babies, the kids and I have been going on walks. Yesterday, we managed to walk for 5 miles. Today, my left knee (which I had surgery on in 2004) was bothering me, so I wrapped it in a neoprene sleeve and we did 3 miles. The weather is just beautiful, not too hot and not too cool for them. I learned today that when you actually remember to bring your ipod along, the walk goes a lot faster. We are fortunate to live about 1/4 mile from a lovely park in Upper Gwynedd and this certainly makes the idea of walking a lot more appealing.

My legs are reminding me that I haven't really exercised in a year. I have to be careful to not overdo it before Sunday.

Poster for March for Babies

One of the things that the March of Dimes has asked all walkers to do is to make a poster with their babies' stories. Well, I am not the most crafty person, but I gave it a shot....

I personally like the tribute to Mastercard....priceless.

Oh, the new stroller arrived today and BARELY fits in the back of the camry. Oh, and did I mention that the stroller weighs 47 friggin pounds......

My chiropractor is going to make a mint off of me.

It is cooler here today otherwise I would have taken the babies for a walk. i will definitely do it tomorrow..... I took them on Saturday and thought I would die. The babytrend stroller with the carseats is like steering a barge. I was wiped out...

But we did end up going on our date Saturday night, and of course, I got happy and overdid it. Dean was nice enough to wake me up by bringing me 4 ibuprofen and a bottle of water. Apparently, your tolerance for alcohol changes after a year of not drinking.....

Me and Daniel

I think we have ourselves an "oudoorsy boy"
He loves being outside!!!!

6 months old...where has the time gone

The T shirt on Melissa says
"Does this Diaper Make My Butt Look Big?"
and Daniel's says
"I Still Live With My Parents"
Grandma and Grandpa have such a great sense of humor....

Daniel showing off what mommy won in the crane machine

Look Ma, No Hands!!!

We are finally having some nice weather here in the burbs. It is nearly 80 outside and it feels wonderful to have the windows open and the kids in their cute little shorts.

Spring has sprung. Our remaining* tulips are up. (We had some budding pre-teen landscape designers dig up our flower box for us when the family came to visit at Christmas. They left us a pile of bulbs that they "found" in the flower box while all the adults were inside) We have 4 tulips. $75 @ costco and we have 4 tulips.

We are having our front porch fixed finally. It has all new decking and a new railing. Hopefully, this weekend, it will have the other two railings up and it will be done.

We are also going on a date. Yes, a date. We have only been out once together since the babies came home and that was February 9th. We are going to Dance Night at the Firehouse and I am really looking forward to it. Hopefully the Hubs won't be too tired. Our next door neighbor is going to sit with the kids and we won't go out until they are asleep.

Not too much else to report. Life is very routine. Very very routine...

Daniel is working on his first tooth and Melissa is not far behind him. We have been trying to give Daniel a bit more tummy time as his flat head has not seemed to resolve itself like the pediatriacian had said.

We had them at the doctor's office on Tuesday and hopefully got their last RSV vaccine. I really don't think that we will do the whole Synagist vaccine next year. The kids are home all the time and not around other kids at all. I really don't think that they will be "at risk" next year.

Daniel is up to 18 lbs 13 oz and Melissa is 17 lbs 13 oz. He has her beat by a whole pound. I can't get over how big they are getting.

They will be 6 months old on Wednesday!!!

Where has the time gone?

We also decided to buy a new stroller for the March for Babies on the 27th. I went over to Babies R Us and looked at the Kolcraft one but it seemed so huge. I am not sure that it would fit in the trunk of either of the cars. So, I ended up buying a Graco online at walmart. I hate to do that sight unseen but....hopefully I won't get burned.

If the weather is nice for the March for Babies, I really want to try to push the kids for the 5 miles. the Baby Trend that we have now is so heavy and cumbersome with the carseats.

Mom and Dad come back from the West Coast tomorrow so I will journey to the airport to pick them up. Daddy will get an extra "daddy duty" this week.

Melissa says...

I'm just a little cute....

Fingers in the mouth

And I am pretty sure Daniel is working on his first tooth....

Make a scrapbook - it's easy!

Six Months Ago

We thought we were just going to the hospital to get checked out.
Boy, were we wrong!!!!
I think my waist was 48" in the end...

Losing it..........

It has been nearly two weeks since my last post. Some days, in my few minutes of free time, I try to think of what I could write about and as of late, we have gotten ourselves into a pretty good routine.

Routine....
up at 6 am, feed, play nap, feed, play, nap, feed, play, nap, feed play, nap, bed.

That's it.
That is my life.

Oh yeah, and washing bottles and doing laundry.

Some days, I will admit, I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

I don't have family here. I don't have a real support system apart from my husband (who works very long hours) and sometimes I feel like I am just going to lose it.

Daniel has been scratching his face. I tried my darnedest to trim his nails yesterday and the little guy wouldn't let me do it. I actually yelled at him. I feel awful about it. So the boy is wearing a sock on his left hand.

Yesterday, Melissa wanted anyone but me to hold her. I was convinced that she hated me. Our friends, Keith and Joann came over and she was all smiles and all kinds of sweet with both of them and with Daddy. Mommy tries to hold her and she FREAKS.


I am tired. Alot. Maybe it is a lack of fresh air, maybe I am just thinking that being a stay at home mom is a heck of a lot harder than I ever imagined it.

When the kids were tiny, it was easy. Feed, change, burp and back to sleep. Now, they will go 5-6 hours where they are wanting to be CONSTANTLY entertained. I am wiped.

We are going to try to journey out to Walmart and Costco today... maybe just getting out of the house with them will help.